The meditations of my heart: Pain and Peace.

" For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness"

-Hebrews 12:11

Majority of my time here comes very easily to me. I wake up, do some teaching, eat lunch, do chores, spend time playing with kids or talking to adults, help fix dinner, and end the day spending time with my 4 roommates. Other days I miss home, I miss structure, I miss the chances of being by myself and not having to entertain, and silly enough..I miss fast food. Those days it is harder to be here. It's harder to get up in the morning and be ready to entertain for the next 10 hours. There are days when you hear stories that just rip your heart apart and you're not sure if you can handle hearing anymore. There are days when you feel completely helpless add useless when people are coming to you for help for a child in their village who needs immediate medical attention, but it seems there is nothing I can do. There are days you see a child who appears so traumatized from her past that all she can repeat is "leave me alone, move, don't pinch me, don't hit me". These kind of days it is hard to see the joy and the peace. They are more painful and heart breaking.

It's during these days that I have to remind myself that this is not the end. God has not finished his work here. He might not even finish his work in my life time and some of this suffering may end in pain. But there is a time when He will finish His work and there will be joy. There will be life. There will be love. There will be peace. Does this make the painful days less unbearable? Not always. Does this mean I can understand the reason for it? Not even close.

So what can I do? What should I do? The only thing I can….love. Love the kids who drive me crazy during the school day, love and listen to their stories, love them well during their suffering, love them well during my suffering.

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This past week most of my roommates were gone. It was just Luke and me here at Acheru for a couple days. It was a special time for me as I spend most of my time out with the mothers. I no longer had the comfort of fellow "americans" at home. I was forced to spend time out of the house. I got to know some of the people here better in those two days than I have in the past 2 months. I was actually sad to leave them for a few days when I headed to GSF.

I spent the rest of my week at GSF with Julie. We checked in on all the kids with special needs there. I was amazed to hear that one little boy who I worked a lot with last summer in school (he has always had troubling in school, behaviorally and acadmecially ), had made amazing progress. The teacher was actually bragging on how well he works in class, how well he can sit in class and not disturb, and how he has taken on the responsibility of making sure others are doing the right thing as well! I could have cried right then and there!

Personally I knew it was a good time to go to GSF. I needed the distraction and needed a comfort of home. I also know when I get to spend time with Kenny I am overwhelmed with a sense of peace and calmness. That little boy brings so much joy to my heart. He teaches me more about God, more about love than he would ever possibly know.

In two more weeks I will have hit the 3 month mark here. Can you even believe that?